The Ence Gang

The Ence Gang

Monday, October 13, 2014

Feelings Before Baby Comes

I have all sorts of feelings racing through me right now. I thought maybe I would document some of them, and then touch on them after everything all goes down.

I went to my last OBGYN appointment today. Heart rate is great, amniotic fluid is great. No dilation, no contractions. Basically, baby is either content or stubborn, or my body is stubborn and isn't doing what it's supposed to be doing or just not ready. I don't know which of these things is the case, nor does my doctor.

I'll be 41 weeks tomorrow, not crazy over, just a week. But my doc said they rarely let woman go past 41 weeks at their practice because the rate and chance of having a still birth increases greatly. I don't really have a problem with being induced, I've done it before and had a good experience. (Except I was 4 cms dilated last time.) I really wanted to go into labor naturally and have that experience of counting and timing and all that. It seems kind of exciting. So I suppose it's a little bit of a bummer, but I'm a big girl. I would just rather have my little girl here healthy.

But I am a bit frustrated with my body. I've tried all the "ways" to help myself to labor. Nothin.

I'm a touch worried about being induced with no progress or anything because if for some reason my body/baby (???) really isn't ready, then it will result in a C section. It's all a time game really. Thank heavens there is that option and modern medicine, but I would really love to not have to have surgery to meet my kiddo. My doctor seemed a smidgen worried about this too. I said I would do whatever was recommended, waiting or inducing. He said we will induce tomorrow morning. (Tuesday the 14th.)

So why am I not jumping for joy and super excited? Why am I feeling anxious and overwhelmed? I really don't know, but I super dislike this feeling. I think with your first labor it's all new and exciting/scary. You don't know what to expect, but you are so ready and excited to meet that baby. Now it's not that I'm not excited to meet my daughter, duh. But I just feel so.... bleh. I don't know. Overwhelmed.

-my body not doing what it's supposed to
-delivering in a hospital that makes me uncomfortable (this is a big one)
-potentially having a doctor (there are 4 where I go) that makes me uncomfortable, deliver the baby
-looming potential c section (I almost feel like it was presented by my doctor as a threat, not a possibility)
-Bladen. Him being taken care of, how he will react and respond to this change
-change
-Deric not being at the labor the whole time
-Actual labor, I know I can do this, but I'm still not excited for it
-Epidural, it didn't take well last time. What will happen this time?
-Breastfeeding, I've totally forgotten how to do this. And my chest has shrunk this pregnancy, not grown in crazy proportions like last time. What if that means my milk will never come in? That would be sad.
-Will I be postpartum again for a little while? Most terrible feelings ever.
-What if's?

Anyway- I just feel a little anxious over all these things which is making it hard to be super excited. But I am. I really am excited, it's just deep inside me somewhere. I'm eager to be done for all the people to stop asking "when is that baby going to come out"? (I know, it's a normal good and fine question. I'm just the grumpy hormonal pregnant woman that is tired of answering "I don't know, whenever she wants" and making small chat. How rude am I? Meh.)

So there are my feelings. Feels good to express them, I feel like I have more room to let the happy feelings be felt instead of all the yucky ones.


I will get a blessing before I go in, and I will CLING to that blessing with faith and hope, and it will all go well. I will get to have my baby girl in my arms within the next 24 hours. DUDE, that's pretty cool. Oh I hope she has gobs of hair. Gobs of it! I can't wait to see who she looks like. Deric, me, or Bladen, or a combination. I'm already in love with her and can't wait. I am feeling more ready and excited.

It's just a lot to take in guys. Birthing babies and all the stuff that comes along with it isn't easy. But I've done it before. So I think I just need to find my awesome, "I'm Heidi, and I rock" attitude, and I'm going to punch this labor business in it's stupid painful face! Here we go!

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

First Day of PreK!

Oh goodness, this has been a hard one for me to accept. I inadvertently had told myself I was ready for Bladen to go to preschool for a couple hours a day, a couple days a week. But when I found out about New York's program for Universal Pre Kindergarten and it's requirements, I was seriously worried.

 
Worried because instead of this nice little imagine in my head of Bladen getting some socialization and learning and then being with me most of the time, it turned into him being gone for the majority of the day all week long. 5 hours a day (plus bus time, so another hour+), for 5 days a week, and here is the part that makes it the hardest for me to accept, HE'S NOT EVEN 4 YET!!! He's still just my baby. This is the kind of schedule that Kindergarten students have, and even then they can do half days in some places. There is no half day option here. It's all or none. Ugh.


The question begs to be asked, why are you doing it then if you have been so worried and have had a hard time accepting it? There are many reasons:

-UPK is only offered the year that they turn 4 (before December 1st).  I couldn't wait to put him in it next year, he would be out of luck because that is when he is supposed to start Kindergarten. (We shall see about that one.)
-It is part of the school programs here, so it's free, has transportation, and is at a school that I like and trust because I have a friend in my ward that is very involved and has all her kids go there. (It's just up the street too.)
-As much as the bus made me nervous (would he be safe? would he sit still? are there seat belts? will he be a good boy when other kids might not be?...) it is a life savor to have because we only have one car at the moment. Plus, thank heavens, he LOVES the bus.
-I really wanted Bladen to be in some kind of program. Deric and I feel he is pretty good and ready curriculum wise for his age (the school did testing and confirmed he could be ready for Kindergarten pretty much, nice), but we think he really needs the friendships, socialization and learning to listen to other adults.
-I didn't want him to be behind. I think he would have only been "behind" in New York because they are pushing up the age when all this starts, but if we end up staying longer than another year, I want him to be where he is supposed to be.
-I'm having another kid (any day!) and it truthfully will be nice to have Bladen occupied and doing well. Then I will have a couple hours to myself with the new kiddo to adjust and get my life kind of back to normal each day.
-Lots of other reasons I can't think of now.
 
Anyway- so Bladen started at the beginning of September, and he was so excited! He was ready to go "play with friends" and ride the bus. All my worries and fears disappeared mostly in the first week. (They never fully disappear when you are a mom, come on!) But he has completely loved school.
 
He loves his teacher, Mr. Nelson, and tells us about all the fun things he does at school. His favorites seem to be playing on the playground, playing with their little kitchen, puppets, and the sand table.

 
He is excited every day to show us what worksheets and things he's been working on. He is always singing some new fun song or nursery rhyme. My favorite is to hear Deric sing and do them with him, it is cuter than new born puppies I tell you. CUTER!
Getting on the bus. I only cried a little bit. Much better than the sobfest I thought I'd be.
 
There have been bits and pieces that we get out of Bladen (it's hard to understand his explanations of how his day went) that are concerning or make us a little sad. (The same boy according to Bladen, that always is pushing or kicking him. Lots of tears and crying for various reasons. Being put in time out or having his name on the board for not listening/being naughty. Etc.) But in the end, these are all normal things that are a part of life and learning, and we get to be the parents that try to help teach him through these experiences.
 
Coming home, off the bus. His bus people are SO nice.

So overall, we are ALL happy with Bladen going to PreK. I hadn't expected it to come so early and emotionally I was kicking and screaming in my head over it, but I think it really is great and it makes me happy that Bladen is loving it so much. PLUS- they serve free breakfast and lunch, and he has been willing to try some new things that he is finding he likes. He said he liked mashed potatoes yesterday! What?! Awesome!


Look how happy mommy is to have her little boy back!!!

Monday, October 6, 2014

August Round Up

August was crazy in the way that we had unexpected interviews and opportunities pop up that changed our path or our possible path. It ended up being a month of hanging out, stressing, trying to figure things out, and then mostly waiting. We didn't do much.
 
 
Youth activities, always a blast.
 
These two cuties are my favorite.
 
 
We went bowling together as a family one afternoon. Thank Ashley!
I love the determination and enthusiastic arms!
 
It's safe to say that he still loves bowling!
 
This is the new rental house we found, and we love it!
 
This happened...
 
As did this. What on Earth are you guys looking at? I don't think they knew either.
 
Bladen was my awesome helper with processing corn. After it boiled and I put it in the sink in cold water and ice, and after I reminded him to wait to touch it for a few minutes, then he would be a great help by playing with that corn in the water. Or telling me that the ice melted and we needed more. Never mind the splashy water mess or that most of the ice melted in his hands. haha
Thank you Sister Hollingshead for the corn, it is our favorite!
 
Bladen had his first doctors check up in quite awhile. That is totally bad parenting on my part I guess. I just never had a need to take him in during the year we'd already lived here, and I never transferred his records from when we moved to Meadville. BUT- PreK was about the start at the beginning of September and he needed to get checked out and updated on any missed shots. He was a little wiggle monster, couldn't sit still. But he was excited and liked talking to all the "doctors" that came in the room. I warned and prepared him all day that they were going to "poke" him and give him a shot. He was almost excited for it, and when it came, he did a great job even though it hurt and he cried. We went and got a doughnut afterwards to make it all better. Doughnuts fix everything, didn't you know?
 
We were in Erie and we usually hit up Chipotle for dinner every time. But I was kind of craving choices and to make my own salad, so we headed to Golden Corral. All our dinner choices revolve around Bladen because he is pretty particular and we will not waste money on something he won't eat. So GC was a gamble, but I figured I would be able to find enough for him to eat that he would like. WOW! He loved it and did so great! He loved being able to see and pick his food. It almost all came from the salad bar, but that's great!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday, September 28, 2014

39 Weeks

We're getting closer! I was hoping to have her already, but alas, I'm starting to doubt that I will have any of my babies early ever. That's ok, I suppose I make for a nice, hospitable environment that is cozy and safe. (Blah blah blah, where's my baby?!)
 
Still big and round, no dropping yet. Ha, if you teased me and thought I waddled before. What's it going to be like when she drops?
 
I'm digging the curly hair. I think my curls, or waves have increased a bit this pregnancy. I still have to coax them out quite a bit with loads of product and a blow dryer thing that I can't think of it's name right now. Defragmenter keeps popping into my mind, but I KNOW that's not correct. Ah well, pregnancy brain, or some other excuse...
 
 

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

37 Weeks and moving

Ahhh! Have you ever moved at 37 weeks pregnant? That wasn't super fun, but wasn't terrible. Poor Deric did most of everything, and thank Heavens we had a lot of help from ward members and friends.
 
I don't have many great pictures of the move, I was busy pointing where things went, sitting, and picking up pizza. You know, stuff that the waddler can do...
 
He had to check out the situation in the trunk.
 
Super helpful buddy, thanks!
 
We were pretty ready for our move. We had basically been packed for a month because we thought we would be moving sooner than we did. The delay occurred when we were waiting to hear on a job that I guess wasn't meant to be. But we weren't too too sad, we really love our new (rental) house and love the area, our friends, and our ward. It just feels right to stay here for now.
 
My prayers had been answered and we had plenty of help both moving and cleaning the old rental. Things went pretty smoothly, no hiccups. Bladen is a pro at moving by now, he's done it 3 times, poor kid. (Side note: we don't like moving, despite what it might seem with us moving so often. Nope, it. is. not. fun. Just necessary in the situations we've been in.)
 
Getting bigger and rounder, sticking out there a bit.
 
It's sad that there is such little love out there for the "duck face." BUT, I started this long before it was "duck face", and I always called it the "kissy face." I still have love for it, and rock it. Thank you very much.
 
Since coming back from Utah (where I think I ate 3 of these in a week), all I have wanted is a DQ midnight truffle blizzard. There is no DQ here, so when we go to the Erie Mall, I make sure to get one of these suckers. Oh drool... I want one now. Seriously, best DQ blizzard there is. I used to love the cookie dough blizzard, psssshhhh. Garbage in comparison.
 
I know these online test thingies have no merit or accuracy, but they are kind of fun to take and see what the results may actually be in comparison to what they predict.
 
 
 
The second picture is the percentage and chance I have to deliver on that particular day. We will have to go back and see if either of these was correct. (Ah! Please don't let me deliver on the 12th, let's be early! Like at the end of September on the 30th!)
 

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

35 Weeks

Wow, 35 weeks! 5 moreish to go!
Today Bladen had his first day of PreK, I'm hanging in there.
Baby is doing well, she as a mover I tell you. Much more than Bladen, which I didn't think was possible. But when I munch on ice or drink orange juice it is a regular circus in my uterus.
Doctor said I'm doing well, I've only gained 19 pounds total so far. I think that is pretty darn awesome. I haven't been as "good" as I was last time. I think it is a few more pounds though because I gained a few pounds before my first 12 week appointment. Meh. There's lots more to gain I'm sure!
 
Happy 35 weeks!
 
 
 

NYC Days 2 & 3

Back to New York, still playing catch up!


NYC Day 1 was so spectacular, how could anything compete with it? On our second day, we woke up to Deric's Birthday!

The previous night my parents had gone to their night of Wicked, and on their way back they found some birthday cupcakes that we ate for breakfast. We also tried to decorate a bit and had a few gifts!

Deric was awesome and shared all of his gifts with Bladen, since most of them happened to be toys. (Star Wars Legos!)

Then we were off for the day! It was kind of cold and rainy, and I had the early 1st trimester pregnancy tireds, so we took a cab to The Museum of Natural History in Central Park.


I wish I had awesome things to say about the Museum. You see it in movies, and in television shows. It is always made to out to be so cool, but in my opinion it was kind of boring. I thought there would be more artifacts, not displays and man made diagrams. There was a lot of reading, so it was pretty boring for Bladen. Deric on the other hand thought it was pretty awesome. Nerd.

There were some interesting things that we all enjoyed, it was just not what we had expected I think. Bladen really enjoyed the dinosaurs, so we spent a good amount of time there.
This was in the afternoon, I was pretty pooped by then.
 
He loved the dino bones and ran around with Papa, and Grammy looking at all the big dinosaurs.
 
For lunch I had done some research before hand and found out that there was a Shake Shack just up the street from the museum. We put our learning/exploring day on hold for a bit, and went to get some yummy sustenance! Apparently Shake Shack is the East's popular burger joint as opposed to the West coast's In and Out Burger.  It was insanely busy, very hard to get a table, and tasted pretty good. Everyone really enjoyed devoured their burgers and fries. I thought they were ok, In and Out still has my vote. But I did really like their fries and strawberry shake.

Then it was back to the museum for a bit before I was totally pooped and went back to the hotel.
 
On the cab drive back, we happened to see the NYC temple! It just kind of popped out of no where and actually blended in pretty well. This is the best picture I got, and it is still hard to see, it almost looks like a regular building. Neat!

After some rest and some dinner, it was now Deric and I's turn to go to Wicked!!! It was drizzling/misting pretty good still, so we decided to try and get a cab. I think I've heard somewhere how hard it is to get a cab in the rain in NYC, they weren't kidding. We were in our nicer theater clothes, standing out in the rain, waving our arms to the million cabs that were apparently already full of customers. When we would finally get one to slow and pull over to where we were, all the experienced rude New Yorkers would pounce and hop in the cab before we had a chance. It was a little dumb founding. After many attempts and deciding we were pretty soaked already, we just walked to the theater.

Oh man, Wicked was pretty darn amazing, it was everything I expected it to be. Deric was skeptical of what it would be like when we sat down in our awesome seats. (We had a great view, not too close, not too far.) I asked if he was excited and he said not really, he expected it to be like the other plays he had seen in Cedar City at college. (What?!) Deric really didn't grasp how awesome Broadway is, how everything is amazing and over the top. Well he was in for an awesome experience, it made me even more excited to watch the play and watch Deric experience it all.

At intermission, after "Defying Gravity" Deric was sucked in and sold. He was taken back by how awesome it was and was really enjoying himself. I knew he would, it was really fun to experience that with him. (Kind of like taking him to Disneyland for the first time!) Wicked was amazing and we are so grateful we got to go!

Day 3 in NYC

I wish I could say I enjoyed this day more than I did. I think a lot of it had to do with my hormones being wacko, but I think it would have been hard for me anyway. We went to the World Trade Center Memorial, and they did such a great job with it.

We took the subway over to Brooklyn. Subways are always fun, Bladen thought it was pretty fun!

Then the really cool part of the day that I did enjoy was walking over the Brooklyn Bridge. That was something that several people suggested to do, so walk we did!
 
It was a bit windy and packed with other tourists and runners. It was really neat to walk across and look at all the buildings in the business district, where the WTC's were.


The giant tall building behind Deric is the new Freedom Tower that they built in place of the 2 big towers. To the left of the pic is the Statue of Liberty, and to the right of the pic is the Empire State Building and Chrysler Building.

I liked walking across the windy bridge, it was pretty cool.

Then when you actually get into Lower Manhattan, there is such a different feel there. Maybe it was just my own somber feelings, but it isn't happy and upbeat like the rest of the city. I think it was also Saturday, so all the business peeps weren't around either. But it just felt different.
Dude, that's a tall tall building. It is very beautiful and looks cool with the clouds and the windows. But I don't think I would ever work there. I think it's kind of crazy that they built another building that tall again. I understand why, it just seems kind of intense to me.

Looking up the Freedom Tower. Bladen liked it a lot and kept talking about how tall it was.

The memorial itself was breathtaking, and reverent, and so ridiculously sad. The two fountains where they buildings once stood were beautiful. I am a bit of an emotional person anyway, but like I said I think I had a more concentrated amount of feelings that day anyway. I pretty much cried and sobbed to myself the whole time we were there walking around. I prayed for all those people and their families as we walked around and looked at the water and all the names. I remembered all the horrible images and imagined all the terrible ways that all these people died and how sad it was. I wish I wasn't like that, so imagery based and emotional. The rest of my family was able to walk around respectfully with their heads on straight. I guess it's just different for everyone. So it was a hard experience, not super enjoyable, but that's not what it's about. Regardless, I am glad that we went.

Anyway- that was our New York trip! 3 short, jam packed days full of fun! It would be fun to go back or have had more time to explore, but it was perfect. The first day was my favorite, the energy of Time Square can't be beat. I bet Central Park would be awesome, but it was still winter/spring time and the trees didn't have any leaves. So when we drove through it to get to the Museum, you could tell it's a pretty cool park. But would be especially beautiful with all it's foliage.

Things I want to do if I ever get to go back:
-See another Broadway musical
-Eat some awesome cheesecake
-Go to Central Park
-Do more shopping, or looking
-Try more fun and unique food places
-Check out some more big landmarks

Thank you mom and dad for taking us to New York! We are so glad that we got to experience it in general, but especially with you! We had a blast and have so many great memories!